Does My Child Need Therapy?
- Ben French
- Jun 12
- 6 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
A Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist's Guide for Parents in Eastbourne and East Sussex
If you are looking for child therapy, adolescent psychotherapy, or support for a young adult in Eastbourne, it is likely that something has been worrying you for some time.
Perhaps your child is anxious, withdrawn, struggling at school, overwhelmed by friendships, refusing to attend school, spending increasing amounts of time alone, or simply doesn't seem like themselves anymore. A child, teenager or young adult may benefit from therapy if emotional, behavioural or relationship difficulties are persistent, affecting daily life, or leaving them feeling stuck. Signs may include anxiety, withdrawal, low mood, school refusal, anger, friendship difficulties or a noticeable change in personality. Psychotherapy does not offer a quick fix, but provides a thoughtful, confidential space to understand what may be happening beneath the surface and support lasting emotional change.
"Does my child need therapy?"
There is no single answer. Every child is different, and the reasons for seeking therapy are often as unique as the child themselves. Sometimes difficulties are short-lived and pass with support from family, school, or friends. At other times, a child, teenager, or young adult can benefit from a dedicated space to explore what they are experiencing and why.
A Young Person's Own Involvement Matters
Parents often notice a problem long before a child or teenager does. It is therefore common for parents to make the initial enquiry and take the first steps towards arranging support. While therapy can begin in this way, meaningful change usually develops when the young person finds their own reasons for engaging in the process. They may wish to feel less anxious, understand their emotions better, improve relationships, feel more confident, or simply make sense of something that has been troubling them.
Psychotherapy works best when there is space for the young person's own thoughts, questions, and concerns to emerge. Part of the therapist's role is to help create that space.
Why I Often Meet Parents First
For younger children especially, I will often suggest meeting with parents before meeting the child. Parents bring valuable knowledge and experience. They have often spent months, or even years, trying to understand what is happening and how best to help.
These initial meetings allow us to think carefully together about the difficulties, what has already been tried, and whether psychotherapy feels like the right next step. If therapy then begins with the child, teenager, or young adult, the work becomes their own.
For psychotherapy to be effective, it needs to be a private space where they can think, speak, and explore difficult feelings without worrying that every conversation will be reported back.This is always discussed carefully and only proceeds with the young person's understanding and consent.
Parents remain important throughout the process, but psychotherapy works best when the young person knows the space belongs to them.
Therapy Is About Lasting Change, Not Quick Fixes
Today there is no shortage of advice. Books, websites, podcasts, social media, and online videos can all offer useful ideas and practical strategies. Many can help manage difficulties in the short term.
There is nothing wrong with that. Psychotherapy, however, is trying to do something different.
Rather than asking, "How can we manage this problem?" psychotherapy asks, "Why has this problem developed in the first place?"
The aim is not simply symptom management. The aim is lasting change.
Psychoanalytic psychotherapy explores the underlying emotional patterns that shape a person's life: their relationships, anxieties, ways of coping, self-image, and the unconscious assumptions they carry about themselves and others. These patterns often develop over many years. Understandably, changing them takes time.
A technique may help someone cope with anxiety tomorrow. Understanding why the anxiety keeps returning can change the course of a life.
Why Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy?
Child and Adolescent Psychoanalytic Psychotherapists undertake some of the longest and most intensive clinical trainings in the mental health professions.
Training typically lasts many years and includes extensive clinical work, academic study, specialist supervision, infant observation, and personal psychoanalysis.
Many practitioners spend years in their own analysis as part of their training.
This depth of training is one reason psychoanalytic psychotherapists work in highly specialised NHS services, CAMHS teams, specialist assessment services, and therapeutic settings supporting children and young people with complex emotional difficulties.
The purpose of this training is not simply to learn techniques. It is to develop the capacity to listen carefully and understand each child, teenager, or young adult as a unique individual. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy starts from a simple but powerful idea:
People are not problems to be fixed.
Two young people may both experience anxiety, low mood, anger, school refusal, or relationship difficulties. Yet the meaning of those difficulties may be entirely different for each of them.
For this reason, psychoanalytic psychotherapy avoids a one-size-fits-all approach. The focus is not on fitting a person into a category. The focus is on understanding their particular story and helping them find a way forward that makes sense for them.
As the psychoanalyst Stephen Grosz has observed, we are often influenced by stories we no longer consciously remember. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy pays attention to these often hidden patterns and the ways they may shape a young person's thoughts, feelings, relationships, and behaviour.
How Psychotherapy Helps
Psychotherapy offers more than a place to talk. Through careful listening, observation, and an understanding of unconscious emotional life, the therapist helps the child or young person recognise patterns that may be keeping them stuck.
Anxiety, low mood, relationship difficulties, anger, school refusal, low self-esteem, or a sense of being different can sometimes become woven into a person's way of understanding themselves and the world. As these patterns become better understood, new possibilities often emerge.
Symptoms frequently lose some of their grip.Young people often find themselves more able to think clearly, manage feelings, build relationships, and approach challenges with greater confidence and flexibility.
The goal is not to create a different person. The goal is to help the young person become more themselves, with greater freedom to make choices, build relationships, and pursue the things that matter to them.
If you are wondering whether your child, teenager or young adult may benefit from psychotherapy, you are welcome to arrange an initial consultation. This first conversation offers space to think carefully about what has been happening and whether psychoanalytic psychotherapy may be the right form of support.
I offer psychoanalytic psychotherapy for children, adolescents, young adults, and families in Eastbourne and across East Sussex, as well as online for those further afield.
Frequently asked questions
1. How do I know if my child needs therapy?
A child may benefit from therapy if difficulties such as anxiety, withdrawal, low mood, anger, school refusal or relationship problems are persistent, distressing or affecting everyday life. An initial consultation can help parents think carefully about whether psychotherapy may be appropriate.
2. Do parents attend the first psychotherapy session?
For younger children, it is common for parents to be seen first. This gives space to understand the child’s history, current difficulties and family context before deciding whether therapy with the child should begin.
3. Is therapy confidential for children and teenagers?
Psychotherapy works best when a young person feels they have a private space to think and speak freely. Confidentiality is discussed carefully with parents and the young person, including clear boundaries around safety and risk.
4. How long does child psychotherapy take?
The length of therapy depends on the child or young person, the nature of the difficulties and what emerges during the work. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy often focuses on deeper emotional patterns, so it may take time rather than offering a quick fix.
5. Do you offer therapy for young adults as well as children?
Yes. I work with children, adolescents and young adults from the ages of 2 to 25, as well as offering therapeutic support for parents, and adult family work.
6. Do you offer online psychotherapy?
Psychotherapy is available in Eastbourne and across East Sussex, with online therapy available for some young people and families further afield where clinically appropriate.
Interested in finding out more:
Written by Ben French BSc, C-Psych, C-Obs, MA Psych.
Ben French is a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist and Psychoanalyst working with children, teenagers and young adults aged 2 to 25. He has over 15 years’ experience supporting young people’s mental health, including senior roles in CAMHS and education.
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