Does My Child Need Therapy?

A Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist's Guide for Parents in Eastbourne and East Sussex

If you are looking for child therapy, adolescent psychotherapy, or support for a young adult in Eastbourne or the surrounding areas of East Sussex, it is likely that something has been worrying you for some time.

Perhaps your child is anxious, withdrawn, struggling at school, overwhelmed by friendships, refusing to attend school, spending increasing amounts of time alone, or simply doesn't seem like themselves anymore. The question many parents ask is:

"Does my child need therapy?"

There is no single answer. Every child is different, and the reasons for seeking therapy are often as unique as the child themselves. Sometimes difficulties are short-lived and pass with support from family, school, or friends. At other times, a child, teenager, or young adult can benefit from a dedicated space to explore what they are experiencing and why.

A Young Person's Own Involvement Matters

Parents often notice a problem long before a child or teenager does. It is therefore common for parents to make the initial enquiry and take the first steps towards arranging support. While therapy can begin in this way, meaningful change usually develops when the young person finds their own reasons for engaging in the process. They may wish to feel less anxious, understand their emotions better, improve relationships, feel more confident, or simply make sense of something that has been troubling them.

Psychotherapy works best when there is space for the young person's own thoughts, questions, and concerns to emerge. Part of the therapist's role is to help create that space.

Why I Often Meet Parents First

For younger children especially, I will often suggest meeting with parents before meeting the child. Parents bring valuable knowledge and experience. They have often spent months, or even years, trying to understand what is happening and how best to help.

These initial meetings allow us to think carefully together about the difficulties, what has already been tried, and whether psychotherapy feels like the right next step. If therapy then begins with the child, teenager, or young adult, the work becomes their own.

For psychotherapy to be effective, it needs to be a private space where they can think, speak, and explore difficult feelings without worrying that every conversation will be reported back.This is always discussed carefully and only proceeds with the young person's understanding and consent.

Parents remain important throughout the process, but psychotherapy works best when the young person knows the space belongs to them.

Therapy Is About Lasting Change, Not Quick Fixes

Today there is no shortage of advice. Books, websites, podcasts, social media, and online videos can all offer useful ideas and practical strategies. Many can help manage difficulties in the short term.

There is nothing wrong with that. Psychotherapy, however, is trying to do something different.

Rather than asking, "How can we manage this problem?" psychotherapy asks, "Why has this problem developed in the first place?"

The aim is not simply symptom management. The aim is lasting change.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy explores the underlying emotional patterns that shape a person's life: their relationships, anxieties, ways of coping, self-image, and the unconscious assumptions they carry about themselves and others. These patterns often develop over  many years. Understandably, changing them takes time.

A technique may help someone cope with anxiety tomorrow. Understanding why the anxiety keeps returning can change the course of a life.

Why Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy?

Child and Adolescent Psychoanalytic Psychotherapists undertake some of the longest and most intensive clinical trainings in the mental health professions.

Training typically lasts many years and includes extensive clinical work, academic study, specialist supervision, infant observation, and personal psychoanalysis.

Many practitioners spend years in their own analysis as part of their training.

This depth of training is one reason psychoanalytic psychotherapists work in highly specialised NHS services, CAMHS teams, specialist assessment services, and therapeutic settings supporting children and young people with complex emotional difficulties.

The purpose of this training is not simply to learn techniques. It is to develop the capacity to listen carefully and understand each child, teenager, or young adult as a unique individual. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy starts from a simple but powerful idea:

People are not problems to be fixed.

Two young people may both experience anxiety, low mood, anger, school refusal, or relationship difficulties. Yet the meaning of those difficulties may be entirely different for each of them.

For this reason, psychoanalytic psychotherapy avoids a one-size-fits-all approach. The focus is not on fitting a person into a category. The focus is on understanding their particular story and helping them find a way forward that makes sense for them.

As the psychoanalyst Stephen Grosz has observed, we are often influenced by stories we no longer consciously remember. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy pays attention to these often hidden patterns and the ways they may shape a young person's thoughts, feelings, relationships, and behaviour.

How Psychotherapy Helps

Psychotherapy offers more than a place to talk. Through careful listening, observation, and an understanding of unconscious emotional life, the therapist helps the child or young person recognise patterns that may be keeping them stuck.

Anxiety, low mood, relationship difficulties, anger, school refusal, low self-esteem, or a sense of being different can sometimes become woven into a person's way of understanding themselves and the world. As these patterns become better understood, new possibilities often emerge.

Symptoms frequently lose some of their grip.Young people often find themselves more able to think clearly, manage feelings, build relationships, and approach challenges with greater confidence and flexibility.

The goal is not to create a different person. The goal is to help the young person become more themselves, with greater freedom to make choices, build relationships, and pursue the things that matter to them.

If you are wondering whether psychotherapy might help your child, teenager, or young adult, an initial consultation can provide an opportunity to think carefully about what is happening and what support might be most appropriate.

I offer psychoanalytic psychotherapy for children, adolescents, young adults, and families in Eastbourne and across East Sussex, as well as online for those further afield.